Category four: Depression

Ok so I now realise that there are in fact four types of catering and staffing agencies out there. Number four involves a dismal part of South London, grimy chairs and a general sense of failure. I had an interview for one of these very agencies today. I could stand trekking to the other side of London, walking past an undercover market selling bootleg DVDs and blasting music from their boom boxes and even avoiding being mugged in a dark underpass if there was the potential of work at the other end but after spending my last tenner on black trousers and a black shirt from Primark, I am sure I'm no closer to employment.

It's not all doom and gloom, even if I did just have a melt down in the kitchen, I might get the odd job there. Plus I have two more interviews lined up for next week with a more classy looking catering agency and a promotions company which is full of happy jolly people advertising companies in plastic jackets. You know the type...they've cornered you on the street before and got you to sign up to some thing or other (you probably don't even remember what it was exactly) by the power of a smile and a guilt trip. Well, that will probably be me soon. With any luck.

Fodder for the Blog Cannon

There must be a million different events and hospitality staff companies in London alone. I personally have applied to seven. They seem to me to come under various titles which allow me to cross off at least half of them just purely out of sheer disgust.

Category number one is the overtly and openly acknowledged 'we only take on sexy people' company. Their pages are splashed with pictures of bikini clad young girls either stroking a shiny car bonnet or covering themselves in something soapy. Before you ask, no I have not applied for these jobs...I'd rather sell the Big Issue  thanks. It's basically exploitation of young women like me who are in desperate need of money. Think about this... how many photos on these sites were of men in tiny clothing? Well, I've seen most of the ones which come up at the top of the Google search and I would estimate it at about 10% semi naked men, 90% semi-naked women.

Category number two is possibly even worse. This one lurks under false pretences that it is about skills, not looks but then BAM asks you for three photos - a head shot, a full body and 'one other'. After listing my many fantastic skills in the check-list (by the way there was no mention of radiating sexuality or the ability to wear hot pants well here) I am suddenly thrown into the realisation that if they didn't like your photo, they could just ignore your fine plate waiting skills. Whatever happened to the Equal Opportunities Act?

Category number three is, while the most P.C., also the most ridiculous. These companies exude the kind of fervour small spoilt children reserve only for their birthdays and Christmas morning but for things such as flyering and ushering. They use sentences such as 'highly motivated individuals' and gloat about their excellent training schemes. Now while I am certainly motivated, I don't really wish to be training for hours to wait tables, I did that three years ago. Still, at least they don't want me to wear a Lycra dress.